At first glance, most people would assume that any relationship between my husband and I would be doomed to failure. On the surface, we were different....I was a "country" girl and he was a "city" boy. I was Protestant and he was Catholic. My family was blue collar and his family was white collar. And so on and on it goes. Under the surface, however, we are quite a lot alike. We are both stubborn, loyal, and value the family unit as we saw it growing up. John's parents were very different from my parents but they also put family before themselves. John's father was one of seventeen children and his mother was one of eight children. John never knew his grandmothers because both died at a young age...can't imagine why. I say this with the utmost respect, but his paternal grandmother probably only wore one none-maternity dress in her adult life and that was her wedding dress. Though several of the children didn't survive infancy and there were a couple of sets of twins, that poor woman was pregnant, had just given birth, or was taking care of a baby most of her marriage. My father-in-law was one of the elder children and helped support his family through the "Great Depression" and even through his adult life, he helped support his younger siblings.
John's mother was the youngest child until her family adopted a baby when my mother-in-law was a teenager. Both families took care of their own during the tough and not-so-tough times. It would not be incorrect for me to say that there were a few family members who were a little "off"...some enough to be sent away for care and some just enough to be odd. John's dad was 20 years older than his mom...he was actually of my grandfather's generation while his mother was about the same age as my parents. They married in 1957 and John was born in October 1958. When he was about 18 months old, his parents bought the house next door to his father's family. Though just a toddler, John's mom told the story of how he cried and cried when he had to leave the apartment for his new home....hmmm...he didn't like change. John has a younger sister and brother and they are all close in age. From what he remembers, they had a wonderful childhood...mostly spent within the few blocks surrounding their home. Their life revolved around home, school, family, and their church which was just around the corner. Once John started Kindergarten at age 4, his life was very structured. He attended a Catholic elementary school, a Catholic Boys High School, and a Catholic college all within a bus ride from his home. Weekends were spent with his Godfather and his aunts who also lived in the same small city. His Godfather was also his uncle...his mother's brother who was closest to her in age. Uncle Alvin was seriously injured in the Korean War and this changed his entire life. He was paralyzed and eventually lost both his legs and lived with his sisters until he passed away in the 1970s. John learned to appreciate how fragile life was and how to make the best of any situation from his uncle who had many interests chief among them was keeping little "Johnny" occupied. John knew from a young age that he wanted to be a dentist and he never deviated from this goal. Following his college graduation, he enrolled in a dental school two hours away from home and spent the next years driving back and forth on the weekends. After that, he joined the USAF in 1984 from which he retired after a 20-year career. He now works at the same place in the same job slot he held while on active duty only now he works for the VA.
I love my husband dearly and would not change anything about him but I do have my suspicions that he also has Asperger's Syndrome...he just copes better than most people because of the tight structure that he had in his early days. He is extremely intelligent, compassionate, and very good at his work. He also prefers to stay at home rather than socialize and most definitely has OCD. He never throws anything away if he can get away with it. The military was a good fit because of the structure and because he was a medical officer, his life was different from that of a line officer. He is still doing what he has always wanted to do...practicing dentistry on patients who serve their country.
John and I met during his senior year of dental school. We met in October, were engaged by December, and married by June right after his graduation. The day after our wedding reception, he went on active duty and we left for Texas for his version of basic training. I couldn't have asked for more in a partner...we got to have experiences within a structured lifestyle and while I tolerate his idiosyncrasies, he also tolerates mine...and I have a lot! The early years of our marriage were spent getting to know each other better and finding our way in the world as a couple. It was 3 years before things would change and we were enjoying every minute of what life was offering us. It's not so much that we went anywhere or did anything particularly exciting but that we decided early on that we would face life as an adventure and make the best of what opportunities we were given. We have always tried to instill that way of thinking into our children as well. You can either accept what comes your way and enjoy what is there to be enjoyed or you can be miserable. Life is too short to be miserable....And now on to the arrival of the elephant......
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