A new milestone has been reached...one that I am not entirely sure I am ready to acknowledge. My "baby" has turned 20 years old today! Where did the time go??? While I am proud of the young woman she is becoming, I mourn the loss of the girl she was. I have been trying to prepare for this day for months now...no more "kids" but "young adults" in my posts. I thought it would help ease the transition but I was wrong.
My adult life has been one of transitions...the first being "Before John" and "After John". My world was turned on its axis when I met John...for the good that is. He has taught me so much about myself, love, and life that I can't even describe the way my world has changed. We met in October, became engaged in December, and were married in June. We left for a new "military" life hundreds of miles from home and our first year together was one spent getting to really know each other and how different the world is when you have someone to share all that is out there. It was a year for adventures as mundane as learning to manage time, money, and resources. It was also a year for adventures like moving across several states, making new friends, and setting up our own household.
The next transition in life was "Before Patrick" and "After Patrick". How naive we were to think that adding a baby wouldn't change our life that much! Having had a miscarriage before becoming pregnant with Patrick (and another one when Patrick was only a few months old), we enjoyed every minute of this new life! Even though exhaustion became the norm, we marveled at this little person we created. Surely no baby was as smart, as beautiful, as special as this little fussy boy! Talk about adventures...having this baby/toddler took adventures to a whole new level! Reading well before he was two, Patrick kept us hopping to stay ahead of the game. Some of our best and happiest years were while we lived in Texas with our little blond guy!
While we lived in Texas, the next transition in life came knocking...."Before Elizabeth" and "After Elizabeth". An unexpected blessing wrapped up in an angel wrapped up in a baby girl! My sister had passed away unexpectedly in September and my extended family was mourning her loss. Just before Christmas, I had a urinary tract infection that would not clear up....turned out that it wasn't just an infection but a baby! Calculating out the date of her birth, we were blessed to find she was due almost exactly one year to the day of my sister's death. I know it wasn't a coincidence. We weren't trying to get pregnant and I almost lost her nine weeks into the pregnancy. She was a fighter, though, and held on until September. She was such an easy, happy baby. There never was EVER a baby as beautiful, sweet, and loving as this little girl with the long, long name!
When Liz was 8 weeks old, we moved to New Jersey and I settled into what became "normal" life for us. Patrick was five years old and in nursery school and I became "Mom of Preschooler and Baby/Toddler". Such hectic years and they were gone in the blink of an eye! I became "Elementary and Preschool Mom" and then just "Elementary Mom". Years of volunteering and play dates, birthday parties and parent conferences...it's a blur now but I know that I was where I wanted to be.
I had no trouble adjusting to being the Mom of High School Students because I was so busy with "Team Mom" and "Driving Mom"...the years flew by in a myopic blur.
This transition, though, is difficult. My "kids" no longer need me like they did when they were young. Liz is off at college most of the time...new friends that I don't know, experiences that I am not a part of. Patrick is still living at home, but he is working and has vast parts of his life that don't need me around. I'm not saying this is bad because it means that John and I did something right. Our young adults don't really "need" us even though we do all enjoy being together. It just leaves me wondering what to call myself now...how do I see these next years?
I guess now is the short window of time for me to do what I want to do for me...but what is that exactly? All those years of doing what I had to do to keep our family running left me time to do a lot of things but now I have hours of empty time....what now??? I have a few things that I used to wonder if I would ever have time to do...but nothing as important as raising my family. I'd like to do some organic container gardening, exercise more, maybe learn to play the celtic harp, and maybe start volunteering again. When we were first married, I was a Red Cross Volunteer and I helped in the Base Thrift Shop. I would really LOVE to rock babies in the hospital, but I don't know if I qualify. I would also LOVE to foster pugs but that has to wait until Ginger is no longer here...something I am in NO hurry to experience.
So this transitional time I guess I will call..."Growing" time. I am going to try to become a better person, a more productive person, and maybe get to know my husband again...just the two of us for the first time since 1987. This may just be one of the most challenging parts of my life.....
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